#i miss staying up. i want to have fun
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yeah no i love being so tired at 9pm that i can barely keep my eyes open and also nearly falling asleep after every time i eat and also still being depressed in spite of psychoactives in my brain. muna voice life's so fun life's so fun got my miniskirt and my rollerblades on fndhdhjdsdksjks
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"Papa!"
just my daily missing dad Loid time feat. his kids 🥹
(the baby's name is James!)
#spy x family#loid forger#anya forger#james forger#oc#forger fam#listen i miss them so bad#i have new ideas but every time i want to start drawing i just hop on one of my many wips to work on them as a warm up#and then i end up just finishing it lmao#deffo not me working on at least 3 wips at the same time#after finishing this piece i stayed up till 2am thinking up headcanons#had so much fun doing it but at what cost (i slept 4hrs)
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Game night ruined.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#wang lingjiao#If the assorted Jiang disciples look familiar it's because they are the same as the disciples in the LWJ in Yunmeng Jiang AU comics!#I decided that if I was going to have background characters come up a lot I may as well solidify a few designs.#We are following MLP background character rules in the sense there are more disciples around but these guys fill in for them#Do they have names? No(t yet).#I just think the jiang disciples are very sweet and cute in the audio drama. I hope nothing bad happens to them.#(let me have me fun and whimsy with them before...you know...)#I feel like I totally missed an opportunity to set WLJ up as an 'Um Actually" girl.#“you're hitting on my man? UM ACTUALLY get BURNT”#“You want to fly kites? UM ACTUALLY It's offensive to my sect so get fucked”#“UM ACTUALLY we're setting up a supervisory office here”#“You want me to stay? UM ACTUALLY I think we pissed off some ghosts so I'm outtie <3”#Do you see the lost potential here? I'm furious at myself for not seeing it sooner.
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Me: I joke about writing the same McCoy centric story over and over again in different ways
Me: and like. I love doing it and imma keep doing it because it makes me happy.
Me: but also. I do sometimes wonder if it's like. A little Much.
Me: like maybe I should branch out or something
Me: [reads another fundamental and extremely insulting misread of McCoy's character by someone who is clearly making a Choice to cast McCoy as the villain, because they have to get him out of the way of spirk, because they're too???? idk immature??? to realize that even when you're in a relationship with one person, other ppl can and SHOULD still be important to you]
Me: lmao I hope I AM too much actually!!!! I hope it is 100% obnoxious how much I love that doctor!!!!! Time to write more versions of the same story of McCoy being forced to realize that he is loved and cared for!!!!!!
Me: I KNOW MY NICHE AND IMMA DIE IN THAT NICHE, THANKS
#mine#not putting this in the mcc*y/tr*k tags bc i am venting not trying to start 💾🐎 [discourse]#but woof. WOOF. i want you to know that if you hate the doc then sp*ck and k*rk would hate YOU#like seeing someone say they're sp*ck or jim coded and then say flagrantly absurd things about mcc*y.......u are garbage coded actually.#sp*ck and k*rk would literally never#i will never understand how so many ppl can ship mcc*y’s besties and then???? hate on mcc*y?????????#i block LIBERALLY so i have a lot of b*nes haters blocked already tbf#i just stumble across one in the wild sometimes alas#that mindset btw is how that counseling fic came about lmao - we were talking about how if sp*rk dated they'd still drag mcc*y EVERYWHERE#romantic or platonic he is THEIRS just like they're HIS. it's a triumvir*te my guy#any two of them hook up they're still making the third stay at their side 24/7 lolllllll#how can you claim to love sp*ck and k*rk and so fundamentally misunderstand them and their relationship with b*nes#genuinely tragique#you are missing out on so much fun#we are not watching the same show lmao <3 leave my doctor alone <3 leave his bfs alone too <3#me: i should let things go / sp*ck: have you instead considered being a petty bitch / me: what / sp*ck: they can get fucked and die mad 🖖#me: ur so right sp*ck / sp*ck: i usually am#guess who literally just found out that if the word is contained w/in a longer tag it now shows up if you search that word!!!!!#that change very well may not be recent but i just found out!!!! anyway. asterisks added.#i give up. tumblr keeps putting this in the fucjing tags. hellsite (full of hatred)#eta: didn't think to make this non-rebloggable earlier but now it is lmao. it's just a vent post y'all <3
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The past couple weeks it’s been really hitting me how much harder it’s been teaching Pride and Prejudice this year—which was so disappointing at first? Because works I’ve traditionally had a harder time with I’ve felt like i’ve broken new ground while teaching and am teaching the kids BETTER. So initially I was so frustrated that my historically easiest work to teach was feeling so difficult! But there’s been some good days that have let me see that part of what was happening was that I have simply never reached this number of kids with pride and prejudice before and so consequently I have never had so many kinds of reactions before! In the waking up from the sleep of simply never paying attention there IS going to be plenty of stupidity, contrariness, crankiness, and almost arguing? Like even with themsELVES. And that’s a good thing.
#it’s hard because I am simply very sensitive and very tired#but I know it’s so good#like I just want to reach as many of them as possible and draw them in#and sometimes the words they say—as hard to hear as it can be for me—are simply proof they are being reached#something is Happening to them#of course not all. there is the usual garden variety boredom adolescent angst and checked out-ness#but this is more than that#anywayyyy of course this is mostly about teaching teenage boys#they’re not going to show you when they’re moved. in words.#but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening#I talked to another teacher today about it and she goes ‘I can see it happening among them too’#and it has helped! because I really was just in my head about it#first about the book itself (an insane thing but I had a bit of a wobble of just like. okay should I be teaching this)#and then about my own ability.#but it’s just that thing of leveling up.#and yeah some days it DOES make me miss the time when I and the book was sooooo under the radar that 90% of the class quietly checked out#and me and the rest of the students had an undetected fun time#I LIKE to stay in the shadows. in the peace and quiet#but clearly I am not meant to and I have a true compulsion to draw in as many people as possible#it can be scary but I know it’s good#teaching tag#ANYWAYS. thanks for listening
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i'm pretty sure i've cut all content consumption out of my routine now
i don't mean that in the sense of i no longer consume content, i mean i've managed to remove it from routine behaviour
yes i will scroll instagram but it's not the first thing i do on waking until i get through all the posts since yesterday. it's just something i choose to do when i feel like it
yes i will watch youtube but i no longer go through all videos since yesterday from all the channels i'm subscribed to and watch them all or add it to watch later if i can't squeeze it into the day. this was my most recent success so i'm avoiding my subscriptions tab so i don't fall into the hole and am instead looking up individual channel videos to watch for no more than an hour. when i'm convinced my brain will behave i believe i will be able to scroll subscriptions casually and only when i want to.
this used to cause me such trouble because i genuinely saw these things as part of my routine so i'd be over here like man my routine of consuming content is all messed up because i went out for the day with someone i will need to double it tomorrow to fix it so i'm back on track. or i'd be like kinda wanted to do this today but a youtuber i follow uploaded a 2 hour video so I won't be able to fit it in :/
anyway that was trash. now i think i just have routines around food (3 meals a day) and work/study. Everything else is clean and free. I can do whatever I feel like when i have free time. i feel a little lost now but at least i'm no longer spending hours on content consumption when it's not actually making me happy
#i genuinely don't think i could've just made the decision to cut each thing out until i got to this point#each thing i've managed to cut out of my routine has been done as the result of a routine disruption#like i go away for two weeks and have no internet access#or my most recent one was bc i had a concussion and stayed away from tech for a week#i'm like well i alreayd dropped xyz for two weeks so i just won't pick it up again when i get back to internet access#and eventually enough time will pass that i cannot repair what i missed without putting in SIGNIFICANT effort#so i can approach it again and limit my interactions until i'm sure my brain will behave#every single time i've caught myself going ugh i don't really want to do this but i need to catch up#red fucking flag bro. it's content consumption. it's not that important. it should be fun and enjoyable#it has no place in my routine behaviour. it's welcome to be something i LIKE to do regularly#but cannot be something i find myself needing to do to meet my routine. that sucks#but hey. progress. curious to see where i can go from here#can start from scratch. what will i do with this.#the last week i have only spent time on my laptop to check my emails and do my uni work basically#then i shut it down for the day#that also feels good to me. i don't need to spend all day on it. i can do other things
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Just Ordered a rapier for my Lucy cosplay for a con later this month, wish me luck folks🤞
#AND ILL HAVE A SWORD TOO!!!!!!#this is so cool.....#i love using cosplay as an excuse to buy a sword and make stuff#and i also get to dress up cool to#goddamn i miss book week..... come back my love!!!!!! i want to dress up as book characters!!!!!!#ofjfhsh#one day maybe ill show yall photos on my cosplays for book weeks previous those were so fun#and i even still have the books for some of them!!!!!#..the devil talks in scottish brogue..#..babbling please let me stay..
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“Wait, so this is why other people always have their priorities straight? Work and fun feel similar to them? The same sort of brain chemical release?”
“Because like, if skateboarding feels the same as doing homework, WHY skateboard? I could just walk for exercise and then do homework.”
“This is why everyone pretty much is expected to grow up and be a boring adult.”
“Well, I refuse to join the ranks. But…I recognize there’s a time and place for fun. I just have to carve out that place myself apparently.”
“I think I know how to manage my time now��tentatively. And how to regulate when I take my meds and when I don’t.”
#alvin seville#alvin and the chipmunks#alvinnn and the chipmunks#alvin 2.0#alternate universe#aatc#adhd meds#adhd problems#tasks#workaholic#i love my crazy brain#but I want to make it work in my favor#and I still want to enjoy fun stuff#I hate that work and fun feel identical on meds.#but it makes homework a lot more tolerable#I miss the rush#so I’ll just…let myself have the rush again#Now that I’m FINALLY caught up and ahead again#maybe….maybe trying to constantly stay all caught up is the problem#maybe I just have to accept that I’m gonna have alphabet soup grades for life#anyway#rambles#trying to decide if I need dopamine today or if I wanna try and make my own through daydreams#I probably need it#but I PROMISE PROMISE MYSELF I’ll have fun this weekend
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*remembers what they did to Vanny* 500 FUCKING PIPEBOMB ATTACK.
#em.txt#WHY#how can you see the fucking absolute fire that is building up & go. 'yeah douse it. now bring back peepaw AGAIN'#BUILD HER UP 2 GAMES EARLY --- & THEN DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!? FUCK#WE CAN'T HAVE WOMEN DO THINGS IN FNAF I GUESS#the company's scop was too big & they developed the game seperately from the environment & made the environment above the game#cut playable vanessa sections. cut vanny appearances.#remove all the plot make vanessa a bitch throw in some invisible walls call it done. 30 dollars now please#security breach isn't just bad. it's not fucking done.#the thing normally with cut content is i can usually agree like 'okay this game cut this but that was a smart choice'#it can be better for time or budget & it can make for better writing.#for instance all the cut content in ahit is neat & as much as i like moonie it's smart to cut his character to build up other ones#& makes for a tighter story & less convoluted area that's more fun to play#when i look at the cut content for security breach their are obvious issues.#it's obvious the company's scope went too far. you built too big an environment. you built the environment before your game.#you prioritized a cool area to the point you expanded the mall from 1 story to 3. do you think that time could have been speant elsewhere#& the other problem is the insane fucking crunch that scott cawthon as a dev placed on himself & others to maintain relevancy#a single person locking themselves ina room for months to stay relevant is fucked. a game studio physically cannot do that.#you see shit in the prerelease like they wanted a bowling minigame a kart minigame a freeroam minigame etc#what about vanny? what did you want with this character? you clearly had something in mind#but we needed to cut it so we can fit in mazercise i fucking guess or chica's bakery or trash heap#here's what we have: less than 1 minute screentime. the 2 vanessa ending comic. that's it#oh wait i forgot. 'vanny. sounds like vanessa & bunny. this cabnot be a coincidence ' & THEN IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN#princess quest used to be about that bitch in golden freddy you retconned it to be about vanessa SO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT#her whole shit is apparently in service to william afton. why isn't she in the afton fight at all#does she not know he's down there? is he unrelated? does she know she's working for the mimic? is she not working for him?#is she at all related to the fucking bunny from ruin or like what#what about the rainbow hair. what about her tech prowess. what about the cut missing kids only referenced in duffle bag messages now.#fuck you & fuck me as well why can't i be passionate about hvac systems#why's it gotta be this shittass gsme.
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Sighs so incredibly loudly
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#okay listen here’s the thing. I’ve been trying very hard to make the whole ‘me and my longtime partner broke up’ thing stay private#because 1.) it doesn’t have much place in the public eye and 2.) I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea and start harassing my ex#but eh… I’ll vent about it a little just this once#something I didn’t realize I’d take for granted was how my ex had basically the same taste as me#well. not down to a T but we had a lot of mutual interests and they’d be really supportive of my new crushes no matter how weird#now all of THAT is out the window I’m a bit too scared to talk about my more out-there F/Os#I know realistically you guys wouldn’t actually make fun of me but I am perpetually scared of scaring the hoes#so uh. Sorry#I realize this is kind of a milquetoast thing to whine about considering I’m talking about a fucking BREAK UP#but let’s be real if I ACTUALLY went on about the ‘oh no I miss them so much I’m nothing without them I’m a horrible person’#> shtick I’ve been thinking about for days now you guys would be sick and tired of me by now#anyways. good morning nothing like venting to start your day right
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I want to cut my hair
I want to cut my hair
I can't cut my hair because fuck if I know where the hair clippers are and even if I did know where they are I can't take a fucking shower to help me clean up afterwards
I can't fucking shower because we still don't have water in the house
#the plumbers are coming tomorrow#I really hope they fix things so I can take a shower#I'm metaphorically chewing on the walls#I'm literally scratching my skin off from my eczema#look I read books like My Side of the Mountain and Little House in the Big Woods because they are fun not because I wanted to recreate them#this whole thing could have been avoided with the properly timed phone call but we missed that window and how we need to play catch up#before winter arrives#cause guess what hauling buckets of water to use the toilet only works when you have a hose to fill them#and in winter the hose has to be turned off so it doesn't freeze#I am very grumpy and feel very gross#my last shower was 6 days ago (last Friday)#I've been able to use body wipes to stay mostly clean but it's not the same
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Accidentally stumbled onto the dark side of Tumblr again, DEAR GRACE SOME FOLKS NEED INTENSE THERAPY, or need to stop doing drugs, maybe both, my eyes, my poor, poor eyes, I need a holy water and bleach combo
Also I should watch gravity falls again
#I also stumbled upon the extremely delulu side by accident#no idea if its ragebait or what but someone was just like EXTREMELY AGAINST ALASTOR IN ANY SHIP#which is valid you have your own opinion I respect that BUT THEY LITERALLY SAID ITS BECAUSE ALASTOR HIMSELF TOLD THEM?#Alastor is a fictional character and HE BETTER STAY THAT WAY#reminded me of those creepypasta kids who would pretend that Slenderman was real and be edgy#I was friends with one of those#they were... not the healthiest friendship like I'm not super traumatized by them but they definitely left a mark#took me like two years to not jump at the mention of their name#it's like 5 am for me rn I gotta get up in a couple to babysit children which is fitting because todays fic is a daycare au fic thats very#wholesome and I'm having fun writing it IT HEALS THE SCARS#i want corn bread again#my mom makes this really good cheddar cheese cornbread and it's tasty#she also makes like this honey one which is just corn bread with honey drizzled on it and popped into the air fryer#I'm also lowkey craving this casserole I made once with corn bread#I forgot what it's called but it had ground beef+ taco seasoning mixed with like vegetables and a TON of cheese and#it's just so TASTY i love it#like my all time favorite casserole#speaking of casseroles i can't wait for thanksgiving to roll around#I'm allergic to rice but theres this cheese rice and broccoli casserole that gets made#I sometimes sneak a bite#I'm not like deathly allergic I just break out in hives like with tomatoes#OO PLUS THANKSGIVIN' TURKEY my dad makes like a GREAT gravy to go with it#I look forward to it every year#and I'm from the south so we also have sweet potatoes mashed potatoes with marshmallows and cinnamon roasted on the top#and depending if my moms side is visiting we GET PUERTO RICAN FOOD#my mom makes the best food ever#i remember I had macaroons and me and moony were sneakily eating them in the kitchen because they were just for us#and my younger cousin walked in like “Ph macaroons! i want one” and I#without missing a beat just told him “Sure but their pumpkin spice flavored” and he left#it wasn't pumpkin spice it was mango I jsut didn't want to share with him Because the macarons were a reward I need to sleep now goodbye
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truth is SOME BITCHES OUT THERE are boring as fuck.
I miss the old days when we were all fucked in the head and down for whatever novelty take/approach we had to these characters in this DARK FANTASY trilogy we adore.
not..... you know. who is the nicest character doing the nicest things in the nicest way.
#god forbid we have fun anymore like jesus!!!!#i'm so sorry i answered a fucking ask#iykyk#i miss talking for hours and hours and HOURS about all the fucked up insane unhinged stuff Damen and Laurent did to each other#instead of trying to cleanse them from their faults and severe personality flaws#if you want it baby i can make a post JUST LIKE MY PREVIOUS ONE#about Laurent abusing Damen for YEARS and Damen choosing to stay with him out of guilt#finding excuse upon excuse to overlook the damage Laurent's doing to him because in Damen's head it is his fault Laurent even acts like tha#because it was his killing Auguste that offset years of suffering for Laurent#so laurent hurts him PHYSICALLY and on purpose again and again but Damen stays and never lets anyone intervene#because most of all he loves laurent#while most of all Laurent resents Damen while refusing to let him go#just because of how afraid he is of being alone -- and how much deep down he enjoys inflicting pain onto Damen as pay back for Auguste#like?????#it goes both ways love -- they are TOXIC people#both of them#but then#i suppose you didn't send the ask did you? what a shame#i guess abusive damen is what we got for lunch today 🤭
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I’ll never be over how the first ai game wrote Date and Mizuki to be like the best dynamic in the game and had this whole ass route emphasizing how much they love each other and need each other, only for nirvana to almost like. Make fun of you for caring about their relationship by making it like they don’t even like each other or care about being separated for 6 years
#aitsf#aini#ai the somnium files#its goddamn annoying as hell i hate it i hate what they did to them#im a broken record saying all this but aaaaaaa god its the worst#in my mind date didnt go missing at all cuz honestly the whole thing with him disappearing was flimsy ass writing#and him being missing is a tragedy for mizuki she literally just got herself a family that cares#and then he gets taken away and completely misses her growing up!#we dont know how she handled herself or what she did or if she even stayed at the date residence the whole time#and when shes in ryukis somnium and he says that date is dead she literally doesnt even have a fucking reaction to that!#when they reunite shes like annoyed to see him again#and the game makes fun of you for wanting them to have a reunion that means something#cuz idk theyre just too afraid to write something sincere and heartfelt about the characters people care about#date and mizuki are both so so important to each other you cant just separate them and have everything be dandy#fuck everything date stays and he and mizuki get ice cream with aiba and she gets ice cream too
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Clari you are SO right we def need to bring those theme nights back they were so so fun!💕
jo!!! ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ yes!!! i miss those little events and themed nights and the like so much! they were such a blast and i feel like they really fostered a sense of community (either on an individual blog with their own followers, or on a broader scale within a network of blogs!!) <3
also i hope you are doing wonderful <333 always sending u so much love!
#i feeeeeel like we've kind of lost that sense of community we used to have during the pandemic and all that#in a way??? i dunno i dunno#either way; i miss those lil nights a lot#maybe some of us can attempt to bring them back!!#i've always wanted to do like 'sleepover nights' on my blog#but i never ended up going through with it#collective sleepover nights would be SO fun tho aaah#anyway i am just rambling n daydreaming now hehe#i hope this tuesday is treating you lovely <3#pls stay safe and enjoy the rest of your week!!#clari gets mail
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i want to get started on the Full Hands List but i am waiting on my apartment people for scheduled maintenance and i don't really want to start until they leave but i also have no idea what time they'll make it to my apartment so we're just playing the waiting game now
#at my old apartment i was one of the first to get the maintenance bc my apartment number was just higher on the list#so it was usually around 10-11am#but im much further down now and idk how long it'll take#this isn't my FIRST TIME having the preventative maintenance in this apartment but the last times i just went to bed and got woken up#when they knocked#bc i was still on nights and i had no idea how long it'd be and didnt want to stay awake#and i did NOT check the time when they finally arrived#i just let them in and waited until they left so i could go back to sleep lmao#so#we'll see ig#I'm also splitting this into 3 days instead of don't all 3 seasons at once ill do a season a day#largely bc of time in general and how it's like. 12 hours of show.#and im be starting late today bc of *gestures at post*#but also it's going to be LONGER cus i have to pause every time hands shown up so i can note the timestamp#which ofc makes the whole process much. MUCH longer as seen with s3's preliminary run lmao#ough#I'm talking so much jdfjjsjd#also just my attebtion span is NOT great and i need to actually be WATCHING THE SCREEN THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME#and can't be checking my phone or anything#cus ill miss shots!!!!#i missed at least 2 on my og s1+s2 list and im sure i missed others#i also have to decide how to count the montages#cus there'll be like 2 shots of hands immediately one after the other in the montages#sigh#......... I'll probably count them separately. just for accurate numbers.#which ofc means that ALL of my bonus aren't QUITE right rn cuts ik i lumped montages together#lmao#oh this will be so much fun#shh ac#young royals
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